Patrick Still Lives (aka Patrick Vive Ancora ) (Mario Landi, 1980)

posted in: Jocelyn, Review | 0

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After receiving an unfortunate bottle-to-the-face while looking under the hood of his broken-down car, Patrick falls into an irreversible coma. Fast forward to mad-scientist fueled telekinesis set to revenge and scads of hot Euro sluts making me horny. This movie is my dirty wet dream.

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This is, hands down, one of the best Italian rip-off sleaze fests you’ll ever feast your eyes on. First of all, you have to love the Italians because they have a way of catapulting you face-first into action. Do you need pesky things like details and back-story? NO. What you do need is action and plenty of it. You don’t need it soon, you need it yesterday and this movie is more than aware of what a needy little bitch you are.
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Immediately after witnessing Patrick’s physical demise you get caught up with the star players in tonight’s little exercise; we have Mr. Cough, a member of Parliament and his slut wife who fucked him into office, the former whore, Stella,  played brilliantly by Mariangela Giordano (Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror; Malabimba, Giallo in Venice) and her hardened, street-wise companion, Mr. Suniak. There’s Mr. Davis, the professional swimmer with a dirty secret and lying junkie eyes, the insanely hot secretary Lydia who has several breathtaking scenes of erotic possession, and last but not least the good Doctor Herschel who just happens to be Patrick’s proud papa and owns the “Wellness Resort.”  
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It seems that they have all come to spend the weekend after receiving strange letters in the mail that hint towards their respective sordid pasts. I know what you’re thinking and yes, this is reminiscent of Christie’s “And Then There Were None” but with the added bonus of sexy ladies showing off the goods with reckless abandon and a healthy dose of “WHAT THE FUCK” that can only be provided by the likes of Landi, the man who helmed the immortal Giallo in Venice.
 Without wanting to give away too much of the plot, let me try to set you up for the glory that you are about to witness. There is more J&B and J&B paraphernalia than you can shake a stick at; Stella drinks her meals and likes to cat-fight, tom-cat and pussy-shake all over the grounds. She stole my fucking heart and that’s the truth.  Meow! Patrick-Still-Lives-7
Mrs. Cough lounges naked, in her bikini and in her bra and panties. She can’t get dressed for dinner until her nipples have been plucked from their lacy prisons and displayed properly. She also shows off her perfect ass and moans sweetly as she sleeps. A realist with a sassy mouth that can take her lumps in whatever form they come; she’s one tall drink of water J&B. 
Patrick-Still-Lives-8Ok, I just realized that all I’m doing is talking about how hot the ladies are and there’s SO MUCH MORE to this movie! The dialogue will amuse as well as befuddle, for example:
 
“It is clear that Mr. Cough’s death was due to a fatality.”

“The drugs turned you into a faggot!” –  “Die alone, whore!”

“She seems nice but I think she’s an idiot.”
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Not to mention the sing-song, zigzag way they have of hating and liking one another within a second’s notice. It’s schizophrenic eye-candy, it’s the MOST. The slap-fest between Stella and Davis is a tantalizing amuse-bouche to the misogynist in all of us. And the thing about Patrick that I think we can all get behind is that even in the midst of his coma-laden weekend of revenge, his Daddy dutifully keeping him wired to human batteries to fuel this festival of fury, Patrick falls in love with Lydia’s sexy body and uses his powers for hot, sleazy action despite him not being able to really enjoy it. Patrick gives this gift to us, the viewer. Fuck! What a hot gift it is too. If I had a dick it would’ve been hard through ¾ of this film.

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I forgot to bring up the implied bestiality or the foot-fetish action that was pretty rampant throughout. The slow and painful vaginal impaling that exits through the mouth! The pool boiling! The face-hooking! The window beheading! The ookie-creepy music, the spooky giant eyes, the rustling trees!

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This movie has everything! The sleaze aspect is as high as it can be, the ladies are all gorgeous, it’s competently acted, the locations are pretty damn swanky, there is enough gore to satisfy the bloodhounds out there and it’s got a fabulous what-the-fuck-is-gonna-happen-next factor that keeps you interested from the time the movie begins until the arguably stilted and somewhat confusing ending.  Major bonus points awarded for having a sweet soundtrack by Berto Pisano who helmed soundtracks to some of the greats – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror, Strip Nude for Your Killer, Giallo in Venice, Malabimba, Death Smiles on a Murderer and The Girl in Room 2A to name only a few.

 
This is absolutely essential viewing!
 
Woohoo! Titty City! Low-cut, see-through nighties for everyone!
 

Official COSDS Nunspank Rating:

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Jocelyn lives on 35 acres of woodland in an undisclosed Appalachian location. When not boozing it up or fighting the power she's tending her organic garden or collecting punk/soundtrack albums. Her best friends walk on 4 legs. She does not own a cell phone.

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