Ninja III: The Domination (Sam Firstenberg, 1984)

posted in: Duane, Jocelyn, Joint Review, Review | 0
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An evil ninja kills a scientist for no reason and then annihilates a shit-ton of cops. His love of devilry refuses to let him perish so at the moment of his physical death he transports his nefarious ninja spirit into an unsuspecting 80’s slut who doesn’t feel good unless she’s working out. There’s also the world’s most unappealing sex scene involving said health-nut and V8 juice. I’m NOT kidding.
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Jocelyn: I have only seen a handful of ninja movies so I went into this not knowing what to expect, but Razor assured me that this was something that I *needed* to see and I have to admit; he was right.  It stars Lucinda Dickey (Breakin’ ; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo) as the clueless bag of tits who gets possessed by a hateful ninja and goes on a crash course of vengeance against the cops who murdered her (his) physical body. But then he comes back to life later and there’s another ninja and lots of talk about ninjas and then some other stuff happens and it’s all really ridiculous but it’s a pretty darn good time, truth be told.

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Duane: Oh my god that sex scene is disgusting… they didn’t even throw in a titty shot or anything. Granted, judging from that slut’s sad pair I didn’t need to see that anyway. I’m glad I finally managed to convince you to watch this, it’s absolutely essential viewing. Such an amalgam of shittily awesome ideas, it encompasses pretty much everything that made the 80s notable (could there have been MORE neon, lasers, or aerobics?). Ninja III: The Domination is one of those movies you watch and then instantly have to tell anyone who will listen all about it. Underneath all the quirkiness and appalling lack of forethought there is a pretty solid foundation laid out here, at least in the Martial Arts department. Shô Kosugi is very competent at his craft (his technique is fucking SOLID) and it shows a lot more in this final entry in the series. Utilizing him as the fight choreographer was certainly a huge boon to the film, and a wise decision that offsets all the weirdness and horrendous acting prevalent throughout. They never really explain why the hateful ninja is on a murderous rampage, which I loved. He’s just an evil ninja and therefore a dick. This movie teaches about LIFE!  
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Is it just me or did it seem like the hateful ninja’s murder by cop is clearly the precursor to Willem Dafoe’s demise in Platoon? Some seriously influential stuff we’re talking about right here.

J:  Totally! Oh my god, I kept waiting for that stupid fucking ninja to go down in the wall of bullets that was being unleashed on him, but no such luck! He gets back up, he disappears into a puff of smoke, he even drills himself into the god damn earth! ONLY A NINJA CAN KILL A NINJA! So fuck you, coppers! And how many cops do you think he killed? That entire opening scene before the introduction of Aerobicized Annie; he had to kill at least 100 cops! So he somehow possesses this twit of a tart and then his sole purpose is to avenge his death against the cops that were only doing their job?! They never explain who the scientist was OR why he had to assassinate him, they never explain who the other ninja is who comes to fight him (besides for that very brief flashback that only explains how he lost an eye) and they never explain how the fuck he can get back into his (presumably week-long) dead body….if he could do that all along, why in the fuck wouldn’t he have done that from the beginning?? This movie makes no god damn sense, but it’s still worth watching just to see that it clearly took very little skill to get a movie made. A hazy concept, an ugly girl, someone who can do martial arts and a few neon lights are all that you really needed to bust into the direct-to-video market in 1984. Oh! And a can of V8 juice. (cringe/puke/cringe)
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D: Well clearly the scientist has something to do with the mystical ninja weapon chest at the heart of Ninja Mountain. There really is no rhyme or reason for any of it, as usual this is all an excuse to have ninjas stab each other. Ninja III: The Domination is a bit of a departure for the series in that it’s got that whole supernatural and dare I say even slasher element to it rather than just straight up ninja porn. And then there’s that stupid head knock scene… what the fuck was that? If this were a bit more (ok a LOT more) incompetent/retarded Samurai Cop would have a serious competitor for title of most awesome/retarded movie ever. That’s right… I said it. I also learned that when the police call in a “451” it means there’s a ninja at the golf course. Did you like when shit starts to go down at the funeral all the cops bug out? Classic.
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It was good to see that James Hong (The Golden Child, Missing in Action) was in full effect here as the Japanese shaman they get to try and rid miss tomato titties of her pesky little ninja problem. I swear that guy was in pretty much everything that called for an Asian dude in the 80s.

J: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Just hold it right there, mister. This film doesn’t compare to Samurai Cop by *any* stretch of the imagination. Samurai Cop is its own entity and we WILL be doing a comprehensive review of that little gem at some point. James Hong is the token Asian guy in everything from 1975-1995; always nice to see him getting more work. Speaking of learning things – I learned that when you’re possessed by an evil ninja spirit (and you have some of your own will left) and the chips are down and you have one last ditch effort to rid yourself of the heinous entity… it’s always a good idea to try dancing it out! Holy shit! When she’s trying to fight him off and cranks the stereo with some homogenized 80’s pop-rock and starts dancing the devil away….Oh. My. Fucking. God. There are no words to describe the level of awesome the movie reaches in that single, glorious moment. You’re definitely right, the movie makes no god damned sense but it’s a fun little ride and I certainly feel more enriched as a person having subjected myself to all that it has to offer. Thank you, Razor, from the bottom of my heart; this was definitely a good time.
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 J/D: Ninja III is certainly a worthy time waster containing just enough “WTF factor” to keep virtually anyone glued to it. It’s one of the most horribly entertaining ninja movies you will ever subject yourself to.
Official COSDS Nunspank Rating:
 
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Jocelyn lives on 35 acres of woodland in an undisclosed Appalachian location. When not boozing it up or fighting the power she's tending her organic garden or collecting punk/soundtrack albums. Her best friends walk on 4 legs. She does not own a cell phone.

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