Night of the Bloody Apes (René Cardona, 1969) – Part 3 in a series of collaborative monster rape reviews

posted in: Duane, Jocelyn, Joint Review, Review | 0
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When a sketchy doctor learns that his son is dying from leukemia, he naturally decides to replace his son’s blood with that of a gorilla’s (well, what would YOU do?). Problem is, everyone knows that gorilla blood is too fucking strong for a human heart, so he installs a gorilla heart too. As expected this turns leukemia-boy into a half-gorilla madman who escapes and terrorizes the town by raping and killing women and gorily dispatching any menfolk he comes across.
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Razor88: FUCK YES. Night of the Bloody Motherfucking Apes. One of my all time favorite movies, and if I may,  probably one of the greatest films ever made. It’s got (mostly) everything… ladies’ luchadora wrestling, (implied) rape, gore, real gore, umm an ape man, slutty shoes… it’s fucking awesome. The first time I saw it I fell in love with it and it still holds up. But enough of my gushing.  I first want to mention that it’s one of those 60s movies that assumes viewer participation in that we get to pretend it’s night time in certain scenes when you can tell it’s in the middle of the goddamn day. At least they didn’t stretch a sock over the lens or show the sun like in Astro Zombies. Talk about engaging! Ok so we have this ugly monkey man motherfucker that’s just rampaging around tearing into sluts. This is awesome. add in campy dialogue and some super sketchy surgery/medical scenes and you have pure gold. Interestingly enough this is one of those infamous films that used the real open heart surgery footage.

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Nom de Plume: This was my first viewing and I have to say it’s pretty fucking spectacular! It’s a remake of Cardona’s Doctor of Doom but with more blood and tits thrown in to spice things up. I’m pretty much a Mexican virgin (that sentence sounds awesome!) but it’s niceto know that all countries can celebrate the glory that is So-Bad-It’s-Good cinema. The dialogue is priceless due to the dubbing of every single word vs. adjusting the syntax for normality.  I love when the detective tries to explain his half monster-half man theory to the Captain and is met with: ”It’s more probable that of late more and more you’ve been watching on your television many of those pictures of terror.”  If that doesn’t make you stand up and take note that this isn’t a film to be trifled with, I’m not sure what is! What’s with the totally co-dependent relationship between the Dr. and his gimpy manservant, Goya? Why does he call him “Master” like he’s fucking Igor…even though he’s helping him perform heart surgery? Goya bounces back and forth between being a complete idiot who can’t seem to do anything right to an indispensable surgical assistant that the Dr. can’t seem to make a fucking move without. When you want something done quickly and properly it makes perfect sense to assign the confused cripple, right?

Night-of-the-Bloody-Apes-5.png R88: Yeah, it‘s the authenticity that really grabbed me. It makes perfect sense that when you’re hooking up an EKG in order to see if the transplanted gorilla heart is working properly that you strap it to the patient’s head. I’m remembering all this stuff for when I open up my back alley clinic next month. I just need to find a garden hose and a screwdriver. But I digress. Yes, the dubbing is atrocious but I can’t imagine viewing the film without it. It would certainly lose a lot of its charm. I mean yeah it’s bloody tits everywhere but still…they do talk on occasion. That “pictures of terror” line is fucking classic. Of course when you’re in a hurry you send the idiot gimp to climb up all those stairs and fetch the car while you escape through the giant hole in the wall made by your monkey monster. DUH. Now for the good stuff… Night of the Bloody Apes is chock full of sleazy nudity and is surprisingly gory as fuck even without the surgery footage. There’s popped out eyeballs, dudes getting their throats ripped out (which seemed to take fucking twenty minutes) and all kinds of awesome carnage. I liked how the first lady victim was freshly naked out of the shower but the monster still managed to preserve her modesty by laying her unconscious on the bed with her crotch covered by a towel before proceeding to awkwardly molest and kill her. But by far my favorite scene has to be when he goes after the ginger girl. Motherfucker just TEARS those panties down. This is definitely the scene that sticks in my head the most. It’s truly magical, I think I misted up a little. And what was with all the wrestling? I know there’s a tiny part of the story woven in there but it seemed to just be a reason to showcase some hardcore lady luchadora wrestling action, and there’s a fair amount of it. I suppose the intent was to appeal to Mexican audiences who are clearly not amused enough by naked sluts and half-monkey monsters.

Night-of-the-Bloody-Apes-6.pngNom: Ha! Oh, ja. Totally agreed on the ginger, definitely the stand-out attack by far. I love that the fake square of grass moves cockeyed and wonky as she struggles beneath his ample frame, but perhaps better is the fact that he fucks this bitch’s hair ALL UP, even rips her hairpiece off and as she runs away for help to a nearby store her hair and make-up are perfect again. It’s the little things, right? I guess the inclusion of the open heart surgery has to be what landed it on the Video Nasties list. All other gore is pretty laughable and only adds to the overall charm. (When he scalps the guy by slowly removing his toupee..ha!)
What’s with the Jackson Pollock transitions between scenes? It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer is making Ned’s video dating tape and refuses to use anything but the “star wipe” to move between scenes. Despite the paper-thin reasoning for the inclusion of the luchadoras I’m not sorry to have seen a lil action inside the squared circle. As far as monster rape is concerned, I’m sorry that this didn’t display or even allude to more brutality between the ape-man and the ladies, but it did whet our imaginations enough to keep us more than invested. Overall, this is a very fun movie and clocking in @ 80 min or so it’s well worth your time. Also: what the fuck was the deal with that last scene? What an awkward way to end a fucking movie!

The couple driving away:

Arthur: “Hmm, poor fool. The desire to save his son from death was the cause of so many people suffering.”
Lucy, nodding: “It’s unfortunate. Really sad.”
(Car drives off slowly into the night)
And……Jackson Pollock wipe and roll credits!

 

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Nom/R88: While we couldn’t agree on an exact rating, we can agree that this is essential ownage and a good time will be had by all who sit with it. Implied monster rape, luchadoras, fun gore, open heart surgery, gimpy idiot sidekicks, tits and nurses in pumps = fucking watch it.
Official COSDS Nunspank rating:
Razor88:
 Nom DePlume: 
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Duane co-founded The Church of Splatter-Day Saints in 2005. When not immersed in film he's enjoying good whiskey, smoking meat in the backyard or thinking about sluts. He makes a damn fine habanero fire sauce.

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