What can I say, folks? This movie is fucking awesome. I know you probably don’t want to just take my word for it (pussies) but I can assure you that this is one fabulous little gem that you will not want to miss. Everyone knows Ossorio and most probably dig him for his Blind Dead flicks or perhaps there are even a few hardcore nerds out there who swear that the euro VHS cut of Malenka (with the additional 17 min of footage that was edited out of the US release, “Fangs of the Undead”) is another worthy lil film in its own right. *cough* I don’t know anyone like that, of course. *cough*
What the fuck was I saying? Oh! The Lorelei’s Grasp! Aka The Loreley’s Grasp, Grasp of the Lorelei, When the Screaming Stops, The Night the Screaming Stopped, etc. The movie opens with a sexy lil bride-to-be in a vintage (it’s the 70’s, dummy!) thin, white peignoir set, so…already I am paying super close attention. I have to hand it to Ossorio here, he not only perks me all up with the lovely lady, but he smacks me in the tits with some hardcore action within the first 5 minutes. Fucking. Yes. Thank You! Make me a movie, you Spanish cocksucker! The plot is based on the German legend that there is this great, blood hungry monster who guards treasures in the Rhine River and every so often it needs to come and feast on some fresh meat to continue to live.
What’s that? Don’t ruin the film for you, just give you the broad strokes, no spoilers? Yes, darlings. Anything for you. Ok.
People start getting killed around town (mostly ladies) and this super fucking hot teacher (Silvia Tortosa..who will make your fucking knees weak, no lie) of an all-girls school (uh huh) is worried so the town hires this “great” hunter (Tony Kendall who looks like he’d rather make love to his gun than shoot it) to look after them and catch the murdering beast. There is a mysterious sexy slut (Helga Line who is so curvy and delicious I wanted to lick the TV) running around barefoot a lot (Razor!) and a ridiculous scientist and a few other oddballs rounding out the cast.
It’s simple, it’s pretty connect-the-dots but Ossorio is a fucking MASTER of atmosphere. There are some amazing shots in this movie, it has some impressive special fx (do I really need to say for the time and budget?) has loads of blood (surprisingly gory, in fact) and again…you’re seriously gonna overdose on sexy.
Between the two leading ladies…I had no choice but to take a fap fap fap break. They’re *that* hot.
In my opinion, this is a lost fucking classic that is severely underrated and I think any horror fan worth his (or her) salt will find it an enjoyable ride. It’s fun, it’s bloody, it’s ridiculously easy on the eyes.
Still not sure? Well just check this shit out:
fap fap fap fap fap fap *cough* Please excuse me.
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Jocelyn lives on 35 acres of woodland in an undisclosed Appalachian location. When not boozing it up or fighting the power she's tending her organic garden or collecting punk/soundtrack albums. Her best friends walk on 4 legs. She does not own a cell phone.