Edge of the Axe (José Ramón Larraz, 1988)

posted in: Jocelyn, Review | 0
edge of the axe
A maniac with an axe starts hacking people up in some small, shit-hole town. No one really cares but he does have a cool fucking mask.

This movie fucking sucks. I really wanted to like it, because Larraz put out some fairly interesting shit in his day (Symptoms, Vampyres, Scream…And Die!) but since this was a made-for-tv slasher it lacks the requisite sex and gratuitous nudity necessary for putting up with such a ridiculously long and boring story.

You have, of course,  your usual suspects – the computer nerd who keeps track of all the killings on his computer and is just a little bit too weird for comfort, the sheriff who goes out of his way to hide the murders and have them all filed as suicides (yes, they’re all hacked with an axe, no, I don’t know why everyone goes along with it); the local businessman who has ties to the victims, the crack-pot teenage slut who reveals more and more of her fractured psyche as the movie goes on OR is it the new church pianist, fresh in town who no one really knows? (played by a vastly under-utilized Jack Taylor (Pieces, Dr. Jekyll vs. The Werewolf, Succubus)

Despite keeping you guessing as to who the killer is (which is ordinarily a huge plus), you find yourself not caring because every single character in this movie is an asshole. The plot holes and nonsensical bullshit that plague this movie are staggering to say the least. The movie opens with someone getting killed in broad daylight at a car wash. Which, as cool as that sounds, aren’t there people around?! How do you have a masked killer in broad fucking daylight start smashing car windshields and making bitches scream with no one noticing? I know what you’re thinking, suspension of disbelief and all that, but there’s far too much stupid shit going on in this flick that I can’t overlook. Not to mention there aren’t any titties OR sex! Are you trying to fucking kill me Larraz? What the fuck?!

There is a whole chunk of this movie devoted to the nerd hooking his girlfriend up with a computer so they can IM on it, only apparently in 1988 all computers talked; so whenever someone types  it has to be read in that fake, digitized, robot-computer voice which gets really fucking old really fucking fast. The movie introduces you to way too many characters and it lingers way too long, like that nasty lil scab on your dick that you keep telling yourself is a zit.
What gory bits there are aren’t enough to make up for the overall lack of give-a-shit that was rampant during the making of this. Even the big reveal at the end which is intended to shock and surprise only serves to create more plot holes and make even less sense. I’m tempted to spoil it to talk about it, but I don’t even care enough to waste my time.
I’d like to say that this film is at least a fun ride, but it’s not. It’s not so annoying that you can’t watch it, it’s not so-bad-that-it’s-good, it’s not entertaining, it just exists – like ignorance; serving no purpose but to hinder the positive growth of the individual unfortunate enough to have greeted it.
Official COSDS Nunspank Rating: 

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Jocelyn lives on 35 acres of woodland in an undisclosed Appalachian location. When not boozing it up or fighting the power she's tending her organic garden or collecting punk/soundtrack albums. Her best friends walk on 4 legs. She does not own a cell phone.

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